Saturday, February 23, 2013

but, me, i'd say this was a test


and i had an older brother who i loved.
idolized in fact.
and one day, i went to him
and i begged him to stand with me

and i still love him,
but i am going to kill him
because it is right.
and i have to.

it can't be stopped.

called me a freak
and then he beat me down
all because i was different.

what makes you think
you get to choose?

because i had a mind of my own

free will is an illusion


as it is in heaven,
so it must be on earth.
one brother has to
kill the other.

and i said, Father, i can't

i love my father!
my brothers!
love them!
but watching them turn
on each other?

think of  the million random choices
you make, and yet, every each and every one
of them brings you closer to your destiny.
do you know why that is?

sorry if it's a bit chilly.

because it's not random.
it's not chance.

because from the moment
Dad flipped on the lights around here,
we knew it was all gonna
end with you.
always.

why would i want to destroy this stunning thing?
beautiful in a trillion different ways.
the last, perfect handiwork of God.

it's a plan that's playing itself out
perfectly.

heaven, hell,
i don't care who wins!
i just want it to be
over!

now tell me,
does the punishment fit the crime?

are you ready?

part of me wishes we don't have to do this.

i have to sit back
and watch my own
brothers kill each other
thanks to you two!

i'm sorry,
i can't do that.
i'm a good son
and i have my orders.

my own private
witness protection.

so you haven't changed
a bit,
little brother.

He is doing this to us.

always blaming everyone 
but yourself.
 we were together.
we were happy.

why do you think you
two are the vessels?
think about it.

no matter what choices you make,
whatever details you alter,
we will always end up
...here.

i skipped out of heaven,
had a face transplant,
carved out my own 
little corner of the world.

you're my true vessel

you're my vessel

you were born to
this, boys.
it's your destiny!

that's why you're going to say yes.

you ever the hear the story
of how i fell from grace?


but you betrayed me.
all of us.

Dad made everything,
which means He made me
who i am.

this isn't about a war!
it's about two brothers...
who loved each other...
and betrayed each other.





"So, what's it all add up to?
It's hard to say.
But, me, I'd say this was a test...
for Sam and Dean.
And I think they did all right.
Up against good, evil, angels, devils,
destiny, and God Himself,
but they made their own choice.
They chose family.
And, well...
isn't that kinda the whole point?
No doubt --
endings are hard.
But then again...
nothing ever really ends,
does it?"

You see, there were once three brothers.
One of them fell.
One of them ran away.
And the last became twisted in his own grief.
They never really got the point.
But...there were also two other brothers.
And they...
They got it.


(a/n:  I  don't own this)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

the end (code: 5.04)

i see many things
that no longer live

(or perhaps, never lived at all)

like
the majestic ocean
and the most beautiful planets
and the unborn
and
the roses
and
this place of
a trillion different things
and
everything
in between

the light they love
has stopped so suddenly
that they pretend to see them
even i'm at fault

the truth is not
of my words

the truth is not
of my voice

the truth?
indeed:

the stars
don't exist

i killed them out

Monday, February 18, 2013

i can breathe

feeling

what is it?

hopeless, not anymore
because i know

i can do this.
i can get through this.

even though everything is dying
in front of my eyes
and you know?
sometimes they come back to life

just look at me
see?
now
i can breathe.

even though it hurts
i can do this
and all these people
don't really know me

and even if they do
do they understand
the causes of my blue lips
and the stillness of my heart?

and only God could ever tell
when i wasn't well
and there were so many times
when i felt

like i was dying
all over again
like i couldn't breathe
all over again
like i was slipping down
all over again

but now?
the difference nobody can see
but i can

i can breathe

this is the truth:

no.






this?


no.


this?

replay.

rewind.

rethink.

no.
no.
nonononono.

this?

is all a lie

i was five. maybe younger.

her eyes, so wide, like an ocean and its tide,

her lips, apart, nothing but the ghost of breath escapes,

her hands, shaking, and nothing can control

the ghost, it prayed, silently prone to rapture

the ramblings of the lost

oh, try.

try to remember --
the tip of your tongue!
the words echoed and
try. 

no.
no. please, lord, not again
but,
the words --
"bring it on"

yes.  

i can do this.

i can try.
i can try.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

we all fall down

i dreamed of a house
with bower birds
and empty tunnels
and words
so many words

i dreamed of a house
where the sky was showing
and ashes
oh, the smell
of burning bones

i dreamed of a house
whose hallways warped
until i was lost
in a ballet room
along with dusted photos

i dreamed of a house
and you were there with me
and, oh, the smell
i think, i know,
it's consuming me

i dreamed of a house
and misplaced phone calls
littered the kitchen
and something had changed
and it was you

i dreamed of a house
of violence and threats
and love, such love,
masked with the smell
of burning bones

i dreamed of a house
and the monster under my bed
and in the closet
and in the dark
and i couldn't see its face

i dreamed of a house
and the smell was so great
burning and never ending
ashes like snow
blood like rain

i dreamed of a house
and the lights were all off
and you were so different
and your fists
were like my words

i dreamed of a house
and i was there with you
and i never stopped to rest
i was content with
the angry pain, the ocean.

i dreamed of a house
with walls made of lies
and there was never any sound
there was only
the smell of burning bones



A...tip of the hat...to the inexhaustible silence of houses

Thursday, February 7, 2013

i fell in love with the pain

when did i go so astray?
when did the echoes of my screams
become my favorite lullaby?

when did all this pain
cause me joy?

the devil corrupted me from inside out
showed me how the hurt
was beautiful

and roses, falling gently
became drops of blood.

he carried me as i cried
told me his name in exchange for mine
and somehow caused me to love
the torture and the night

i fell in love with the deranged,
the darkness,
i fell in love with my own tear tracks

my own screams
that the devil caused.

fell in love with my sorrows

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

on the edge of sleep, my old familiar friend

so many things to be happy for
so many things to smile for
even when i'm breaking down again

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

the strangest part
(frightening)
is that i do not know what has been asked
but the urgency of the answer
has already been said

Untitled

the words
of a serpent
whispered in my ear
did nothing that compared
to the prayer
of the angel

Sunday, February 3, 2013

ineffable plans


i could
tell you
everything
and
everything
stretches into
a very long time
indeed

but there is
nothing left
to say
at all

i could
tell you
about the fights
and about the hurt
and the pain
and his voice
but that would remain
pointless

because i
can't remember
the beginning
of the story
anymore than you

Saturday, February 2, 2013

these walls can't block you out

angel wings 
drawn on my back
with the ink
of your words.

Friday, February 1, 2013

i never liked grammar anyway

personal revelations
the dos and don'ts
of frowns caressed
into smiles.